Keynesian Fried Chicken

Hello,

My Name is John Maynard Keynes and here at KFC we've spent a few minutes studying the health orthodoxy which has always taught people to eat less and exercise more. I have come to realize that while this makes perfect sense, it results in a "Paradox of Health". What happens is that since you eat less, you have less calories to burn so you exercise less. If you exercise less you have less energy you need to replenish so you eat even less. The natural conclusion is that your eating habits will spiral down till you eat nothing, starve... and die.

So If this is the case then we need to make sure your eating habits are spiraling up. The major tragedy in todays society preventing this is the calorie counts on food products, because producers apparently in my imagination will generally produce foods with calorie counts too high for people to eat, so we should make the calorie count on all products 0 (despite the actual calorie count), this will encourage people to eat more since they will be less pre-occupied by calories. Of course lowering the calorie count will only go so far since peoples stomachs can only expand so much today.

In this case, the government should get directly involved and take any food beyond what people can eat today and give it to people who have room in their stomach. Of course, you might wonder, "what will people eat tomorrow if people eat all the food today?", well who cares about tomorrow you might be dead then.

Now this policy will cause massive growth in peoples stomach meaning people will be able to eat more and there will be less the government needs to take and redistribute... but in the occasion that a massive starvation occurs, it is governments job to eat any foods that's left for the people because if they don't eat it, the paradox of health will take hold.

What causes people to change their eating habits, it's their animal spirits taking hold, either the pig who can eat eat eat or the Camel who can survive long period of time without eating cause of storing food in it's humps. We must make sure through stimulating eating by low calorie counts and redistributing food that the pig spirit remains.

Now many have criticized me as a hypocrite since I've been eating relatively little, and my refrigerator is filled with food. Some claim that I have only made these theories to justify the government taking food from some to feed my posse of musicians and artists who I have random orgies with since they can't find food for themselves. Remember, ignore them, cause if you don't listen to me the world will die of starvation.

Sincerely,

John Maynard Keynes